Why you should not do low carb, especially whole foods low carb…

Why anyone would even consider a lifestyle change is beyond me. It’s so much easier to not change anything and sit wallowing in self pity when we feel bad about this or that or that or this or what ever seems to be holding us back from getting a grip on happiness.

Rumor has it that there are Type 2 Diabetics who have totally lost symptoms of their disease while losing weight and having super spectacular blood sugars by just changing their lifestyle, cutting out sugar, starches, and grains.

Don’t try it though, it’s just not worth it, and there are no doughnuts.

Besides, I read on the internet that “low carb weight loss is just losing water weight” and we all know that if it’s on the internet, it is true. Just look at my before and 2 year anniversary pic:

December 2010 April 2013

On the left is December 2010, right is April 2013, I was an aquarium, I lost 80 pounds of water…

Another reason one should never attempt a whole foods low carb lifestyle change is because it’s just too darned hard. The foods are bland and tasteless < Ok, seriously, I read that on the internet too, but never fear there are some folks out in this big world of ours ready to sell you a cookbook or whatevs…

Then there’s the whole “I could never give up {enter: pasta, rice, raisin bread, whatevs…}”. I don’t blame you, I told my doc “I could never give up my hazelnut coffee creamer.” That was my first clue that I’m not actually psychic, I did indeed give up that chemical poop storm.

If you find yourself saying “I could never give up this or that”, you can find me saying “put on your big girl/boy pants, suck it up, you’re grown.” <Sorry, I tend to get a little bit witchy when confronted with babies in grown up bodies… (did I just type that out loud? Ooops, I will not apologize for being brutally honest. The world needs more honesty, feel good white lies don’t help in the long run…)

It’s like this, a trade off of sorts. We’ll use me as an example… At 237 pounds I could not give up “comfort foods”, over more years of “comfort foods” wreaking havoc on my blood glucose levels, the chances were pretty good that sooner or later I would have no choice but to give up some toes or a whole foot. Now, what was it I couldn’t live without?? Oh that’s right…

Even if you think it’s ok to lose 80 pounds of water, eating bland and boring foods, having good blood glucose control, and maybe even not having to worry about complications from your Type 2 Diabetes, consider the other people you might be causing undue stress on by attempting a whole foods low carb lifestyle…

Big food processors. That’s right, the cereal, chip, doughnut, pasta industry, the makers of hearthealthywholegrains, COOKIE manufacturers, seriously, they don’t make enough money as it is. Haven’t you noticed that there are five hundred gazillion different chip flavors? These guys will be in real trouble if people start eating things that are either not processed or minimally processed, cutting out the “middle man”, how could you?

Just as recently as yesterday I saw on the internet that if you do “whole foods low carb” that you can’t eat out, even if it’s an emergency like you’re out of town and there isn’t a kitchen in your hotel room, you should just be better prepared and tote around a 20 gallon cooler for those kind of emergencies… Hogwash. You can do low carb at pert near any restaurant, even Chuck E. Cheeses like I told you about the other day… OOPS< I’m supposed to be telling you why you shouldn’t do it…

Then there’s this whole “keto” craze. (it’s driving me absolutely crazy!!!) Ketobread, ketothis, ketothat, ketodoughnuts probably soon if not already… I’m seriously serious, if low carb looked in 2011 like it looks in 2014 with all these “rock star, lifestyle/body coaches”, “high-ketosis”, and folks freaking pasting pictures of their pissed on ketostix on facebook, I wouldn’t have done it. I would probably be 357 pounds by now because the whole “ketocraze” is driving me flipping bananas.

Why? I’m glad you asked. It’s simple really, it’s not that hard. You don’t need to pee on sticks, test blood ketones, or make up “keto-recipes”, or find out what so and so ate during their “nutritional ketosis” because honestly, what works for the goose doesn’t always work for the gander, we each must find our own path. Just by eating whole foods, no sugar, no grains, no starches, blood glucose improves and well, weight loss is a side effect. Don’t believe me? Test it yourself, test your bg, eat a doughnut, test every 30 minutes for 2 1/2 hours, write it down. Tomorrow test you bg eat something like a scrambled egg with some cheddar cheese, test every 30 minutes for 2 1/2 hours, write it down.

I know it’s going to be tough to make a low carb scrambled egg with cheddar, you may feel tempted to google “keto-eggs”, but let me make it easy for you, skillet, heat, butter, melt, egg, swish around until set, top with cheese, salt and pepper if so desired, eat.

Anyways, I hope that you will take into consideration some of what I’ve said and just not change your lifestyle. There are plenty of crash diets out there that have products and potions and shakes and smoothies, then there’s juicing and Tracy Anderson and Jillian Michaels videos, just eat less and exercise more, listen to conventional wisdom and what ever you do, do not change your lifestyle…

*I would like to personally thank the sarcasm department for loaning me an extra helping in order to write this post 🙂

 

 

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59 thoughts on “Why you should not do low carb, especially whole foods low carb…

  1. I really appreciate this article. I am starting on this journey as well. I want to just live a lifestyle that i can do without much thought and a way that can later become second-nature. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life dieting. I just want to live happy and freely and feel good! You give me hope.

    • Hi Rebecca, It’s different, takes a little getting used to, but yes, it will become second nature. I wish you luck in your journey, you won’t regret it. It does feel good to get off the “diet” roller coaster.

    • Thanks Frodosdojo,
      I can’t help but think about all the folks who say “You need carbs for energy”, they’ve never run on fat! Have a great weekend!

  2. What a fantastic post. I especially love the before and after ‘water loss’ photos. I try and explain to people who are willing to listen, but they just can’t figure out why I would want to give up on bread, pasta, stodge, and CRAP (carbs, refined foods, additives, preservatives). Nor can they contemplate a life without these things. But it is just the easiest thing in the world. You just eat meat, veggies and good fats. I absolutely love LCHF and have never felt better. I am finally in control of my appetite after decades of dieting. My children love it, and even my husband does.
    Love your website, I’ll be following you now to see what mischief you get up to. Libby x

    • Thanks Libby,
      It’s not sustainable, you’ll die without carbs!! They keep saying it over and over again, maybe we’re ghosts and just don’t know it yet? Seriously though, I thought I couldn’t live without non-dairy flavored gazillion grams of sugar coffee creamer, well, until I actually didn’t die without it. (made me a firm believer that processed junk is addictive, to me anyways, well and all those folks who tell me they can’t live without hot pockets and ramen.)

      The whole “low fat/no fat/cholesterol free crazies has done nothing except make bigger profits for the processed food industry, and help many of us to eat our way to being sick and tired.

      You said it right there, “the easiest thing in the world”, only I think folks are seriously scared to buy foods that don’t have the “heart healthy seal of approval”. It’s only as hard as we want it to be really. (I can open a can of sardines faster than it takes a hot pocket to cook, but “ain’t nobody got time for that” lol)

      The rest of the family eat more carbs than me, but compared to the SAD, they would most def be considered “low carb”. Have a great weekend 🙂

  3. Don’t forget, you could always take Alli instead. Those suckers actually TELL you to bring extra pants and wear dark clothing. Nothing says “healthy dieting” like anal leakage (AKA: Alli-oops).

  4. Once again you have made me laugh out loud and expressed thoughts I have had many, many times. “Folks, take a bit of responsibility!”

    By the way, I must have missed the meeting where they said low-carb had to be bland. Must have been eating a slice of pizza, or something. For me, and I stress for me, it’s all about portion control. On MY diet, I get to eat pizza…not half of a large pizza like I used to; it’s now two smaller slices. But, at least it’s pizza!

    Thank you so very, very much for this post.

    • Hey Phil 🙂 Thanks for reading! I know, right? Seriously, I really do just cook like I always did seasoning wise, a pot roast is still a pot roast, only the taters may be turnips these days. Nothing bland about it.
      Have a great week 🙂

  5. I had to reblog your post–it had me smiling all the way through. I get people asking me “But WHAT do you EAT???” I look at them and say, “food?” What else would I eat? And, I’ve had people bring baguettes or wine to dinner at my house–I think it’s out of fear they won’t get their ‘fix’ if I am cooking.

    • It’s crazy, people just can’t fathom someone who doesn’t live off of hot pockets and lean cuisines.

      As for wine, I like some nice Malbec, or Pinot Noir now and again. Guests are welcome to bring multiple bottles 😉

  6. This post is freakin’ awesome!! I LOVE tongue-in-cheek humor, the more dry, the better; and this just gets me going!! Thank you!!!
    BTW: Flavored coffee creamers – I think you just officially rebranded them!

  7. Pingback: Diabetes ARTICLES & VIDEOS | Pearltrees

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  9. Wonderful! I lost my extra baggage 30 years ago and haven’t looked back. I found out I’m a celiac in 2008 … I still miss some of my former favorite carbs … but I am surviving and thriving (and I only get homicidal when my husband makes sourdough toast. Seriously, why does he DO that?????).

    • Congratulations on your loss!!

      He’s jealous of your super awesome willpower? Seriously, I think men are just like that, too manly to give anything up, but yet boyish enough to try and lure us to the darkside so that they don’t feel so guilty (lol)

  10. This was hilarious! I think you wrapped everything into this post that people misunderstand about low carb eating! People just don’t get it. My family is slowly rolling around, but now I’m more focused on getting them off the processed food! To me that is even scarier.

    Thank you for making my morning and making me laugh 🙂 I definitely agree my old artificially flavored creamer was a “chemical poop storm.”

    • Hi Lindsay, Thanks 🙂 It seemed a daunting task to get the grandbabies eating whole foods when they’d visit, always “Can we have Reeses Puffs” or some other cereal/chips/etc, the first time we gave them bacon and eggs (2 and 3 yrs old) they pouted until they got hungry. They’ve turned out to be pretty daring when it comes to whole foods these days and even have taken a liking to Brussels sprouts and okra, as long as it’s the pickled variety! You’ll get them enjoying whole foods in no time, don’t give up!

  11. I think I loved the part about “giving up xyz” oh and a few years down the road I might have to give up a few toes or a whole foot! Well said. And as for bland and tasteless, I have personally made it my mission to change that on my own blog. Desserts welcome, as long as they are low carb and gluten-free. I think I blew a few minds with my dark chocolate peanut butter layer cake. 🙂

  12. Brilliant … just brilliant! I wish it would make a difference if I read this to my mom. They just added glipizide because she hasn’t changed her diet enough (or at all). I told her (to try not to scare her) that if she just cut back on carbs a little it would make a difference. AND sorry for talking Keto all the time … at least I never posted pics of my sticks! LOL!

    • lol yeah, it’s really the sticks pics that drive me crazy!!!

      Something that helped my mom (pre-diabetic) was to watch “FatHead”. She has been “low-fat/no-fat” since I was a kid. Not fearing fat was the hardest thing for her. Around the same time, we hosted a get together everything low carb right down to the “mr.peanutbutter bread” with sugar free jam for the kids. She, along with some other family members saw that it’s not that bad, not even a diet.

      She’s done well for the most part, sometimes “needs” french fries or a biscuit, but those things are less often than they once were. (you’re right, even a little makes a difference) Have a great day 🙂

    • Too bad a complication of diabetes is not loss of saddlebags. Oh, wait, loss of saddlebags is a complication of low carb, if only it weren’t so gosh darned hard!!! Keep Smiling 🙂

    • Thanks Shanny 🙂

      I’ve got a different one that may just fit come April. The only problem is that I’ve gained some weight since the red dress and the new one is smaller. That darned whole foods low carb!!!

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