Fear of the unknown

When I was taking lots of medications for what ailed me, going to the doctor often and getting the bonus prize of quarterly lab work, I didn’t check my blood glucose as often as I should have.

I have been belonephobia inclined most of my life, my fear of my lancets over-rode any fear I had of my Diabetes. Never in my wildest dreams would I ever have thought there would come a day when I feared not testing my blood glucose and the poky lancet involved.

I was pretty much a clueless diabetic until NP Christie set me to path, telling me to keep a journal, try Atkins, test often, and learn from my meter. At bedtime, upon waking, prior to meals, one and two hours after meals. Changing poking sites with each poke helped with the pain and sheer volume of poking took lancets off my to be feared list. Labs though, big needles, sweaty palms, nausea, racing thumpity thump of my heart…

I got a letter about certain strips being recalled, lucky for me, the box I had didn’t match any lot numbers. I’d had a couple of “out of whack” readings, but washing and drying my hands again, re-testing they were ok, who knows what was on the towel I had dried with previously.

Yesterday was refill day for my strips. Turned out all the strips were recalled. Fear. It set in before I could even think of an answer, “What am I supposed to do?” I asked. Being my Hot Husband’s birthday, I had a full day, no time for wrinkles, even if it was still morning. The Pharmacist said they’ve been telling everyone with that meter to just call their docs and get a different meter. Easy peasy, right?

Since the beginning of 2012, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve needed a doctor’s visit. A couple visits for being sick and a couple for labs. Turns out I’ve not been since May. For me, that’s great, I got enough Doctor visits between 2007 and 2011 to last me the rest of my days, but for a new meter, not so much. Obviously, the fear was still with me when I asked could he see me today?

When she told me I could come in at 2:45 pm, I was overjoyed. My fear had been lessened, and I couldn’t wait to get there, there was hope, after all, for a good rest of the day. I finished running errands with time enough left to clean the house and get some washing done before Sir Hotness would be home. I found myself with a bit of free time that led to thought about how I really hate Diabetes. I know, my blood glucose has been great for almost 3 years, most days are automatic, I don’t think about my Diabetes, it’s just habit to get up, wash my hands, and test.

My Diabetes though, ruined my morning with fear of the unknown, not knowing if out of the blue I would feel poorly and need to test, or if one of my few remaining strips got the dreaded “error” message rather than a number. I didn’t like the feeling, so I pulled out a fresh target, and named it “Diabetes”.

monday 121613 practice

Turned out to double as my Monday workout. I only have 3 bolts, Biscuit and I raced up the hill thrice while retrieving them.

The Doctor visit was nice, he asked about my fasting blood glucose, I told him. He didn’t ask about my postprandial, but I told him anyways. I also told him about the banana experiment. He gave me a prescription for a generic meter and sent me on my way. Thank you Doc, you alleviated what was left of my fear, or so I thought…

The funny thing about doing everything you need to do when you do something to be able to get something else done, is that it’s not guaranteed that anything actually gets done, but I didn’t think about that when I walked in with my fresh new prescription.

The dude on the other end of the line told the Pharmacist to tell me to call the manufacturer, new script or not, only one meter per year. (it was too much trouble for the dude to actually look up and find that I’ve had this meter for a couple of years)

It’s a not so great feeling when you realize that the fear is coming back full force. My Diabetes wanted to make me cry, heck, I wanted to cry. I had plans by George, smashed to smithereens plans, that special birthday dinner wasn’t going to prepare itself!

I realize there was nothing the Pharmacist could do. I also realize that my doc had done what he could do, and since by this time it was probably time for the dude on the phone to get off work, he flat out refused to do anything. Once again thoughts began racing, “what do I do?” <FEAR> I told the Pharmacist that I know it’s not their fault, but Diabetes is serious, it’s not some cold or allergy, it can be life threatening. I asked what about the Type 1 Diabetics? Turns out my experience has pretty much been the norm since the crazy recall.

I managed not to cry as I took the back roads home. (There was a wreck on the highway and it was closed up tight) I also managed to get back to our road with fifteen minutes to spare before May got out of practice, I fed the chickens. Amid the crowing and the cackling and Biscuit belting out little howls, my phone rang. It was the Pharmacist who was also the manager. Turns out that after I left, he called my doctor to get my phone number. He has taken it upon himself to get me some strips or just a temp meter, maybe today, hopefully by tomorrow, but he is going out of his way to help me. (Why are we humans not all like this man?)

Diabetes did not make me cry yesterday, but I cried on my way up the chicken yard. No tears of sadness, but tears of thankfulness that there are people out there who do care. Granted, they are few and far between, but they are there.

By the third phone call to my hot husband as I was sitting in front of the school waiting for the band room door to open, I was my normal happy self. He said I sounded better and I told him about the kind Pharmacist calling me back and that everything was going to be ok.

Sir Hots a Lot did end up beating me home and got to watch the news while I prepared his favorite, fried pork chops. (sauteed for me and shirataki broccoli turkey alfredo for May) After dinner, he had a slice of a bought cheesecake, sugar and all. Matthew and Kelly came by, the day ended on a good note.

Somewhere amid the fear and wrinkles, I had agreed to come in for labs this morning, so just ice water for me after dinner. I didn’t have a nervous breakdown as Nurse Vampire drained my vampire juice, after yesterday, I had no nerves left (I type that in a loving manner, she is the best drainer I’ve had the opportunity to be drained by).



10 thoughts on “Fear of the unknown

  1. I hope the pharmacist can get something figured out for you! Nice of him to try! I laughed about your telling the doctor about your fasting, postprandial, and post-banana blood sugars! Was he as enthusiastic and taken-aback as we were? 🙂 I mean–what an experiment! A simple banana!!!! I hope your labs are great, but I’m sure they will be!

    • He looked at me like I had just sprouted another head. He did seem enthusiastic when he asked had I lost more weight, but I told him no, I’m up 5 pounds, but I box and hit the weights. He said “Oh, you’re building muscle”. He still seems to think that the past two years has been because of exercise, he fails to remember that I really didn’t exercise in the beginning.

      After NP Christie left the practice, he’s the only doc I’ve seen. I try to bring him things and tell him things and he still seems to think my heart is going to explode if I don’t take a statin. (last labs TC 241 TRI 58 HDL 68 LDL 161, my first set 2 mos in TC 159 Tri 119 HDL 44 LDL 91 and I was on a statin then.) Anyways, today or tomorrow I should get that phone call. Usually the nurse will say “Your lab results are in, Dr. …. is concerned and would like to go over them with you”. (and that was over a 5.4 hbA1c… seems diabetics should have a higher reading than that, you must be having a lot of lows, head/desk/ouch…)

      Anyways, he’s a nice guy and I like a challenge. I do wish that he would realize that I’m smarter than those little drug reps in short skirts and high heels, maybe stop reading all the big pharma literature and see that I’m not an anomaly or just some silly person on a “fad” diet. lol

      • I know. It’s still a “fad” diet to my doctors, too–despite my degree. And I’ve never, ever tried a named diet before in my life. Ever. Not my thing. So I just give little plugs until my docs hit a wall sometime and say, “Hmmm. Terri said something about this to me. I wonder…”

        So funny about the A1c comment! LOL! It is usually the truth.

        Hope your HDL bounces back up. HDL seemed to correlate with my patients’ overall health and function. No study. Just observation.

        Have a great weekend!

        • That’s the thing, lots of studies conclude what was hypothesized, while the data shows the opposite. I’d take a real life observation not funded by big pharma over that anytime, thanks for thinking of me 🙂

          Great weekend is the plan, not one of my “best laid” ones, so there’s hope (giggles) Y’all have a great one too, and a great holiday!

  2. I’m glad it all turned out alright but holy smokes, you sure had to fight hard to get something that impacts your health directly! Good on you for fighting and good on Mr. Pharmacist for taking the reins and making stuff happen!

    • It was so crazy! My fingers are crossed that he comes through tomorrow, today didn’t work out, but I’ve got a strip for in the morning. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a low, but without strips it seems like just “inviting” a problem. I am planning on taking him a thank you card. Have a great evening 🙂

    • Haha, well as someone from British Columbia, land of “BC Bud”, I’m not too concerned over when anyone smokes weed…..let alone a well spoken, functioning member of society who writes things that I like to read.

      Go troll somewhere else.

      • Thank you Shanny!!! My husband has seasonal flu + H1N1. He’s been bed ridden since Christmas. His sister and mother have taken it upon themselves to slander me on facebook, and I should have known it would happen here also. (on facebook, I’m a pill head and her own aunt is my dealer, go figure? guess they are mad at her also, who knows what goes on in the minds of the delusional.)

        Because this hasn’t been enough, he’s awoken from his sickness to multiple texts about “his nasty wife”. Such a loving family. It’s not my place to judge them, but karma has a way of taking care of such things.

        I want to thank you for your support and seeing her post for the troll attempt that it was. I would also like to mention that when I speak of my mother in law, I am speaking of my husband’s father’s wife, Jan, who has been the best mother in law a girl could ever ask for. She more than makes up for the “other side” of the family.

        As for Michael, his fever has broken, he’s had his first cup of coffee in nearly a week, and those lovely ladies should be worried about his opinion of their shenanigans. He’s always been such a forgiving man, but I’m thinking times are changing.

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