When diabetes was in control, I would look forward to Mondays because I had to go to the bank. It wasn’t really the bank that had me looking forward to Mondays, rather, the McDonalds next door. Upon leaving the bank, I would hit the drive-thru, value menu to be exact. A couple mcdoubles or a mcchicken with a mcdouble, or a fillet of fish with a mcchicken when they were on the value menu during Lent.
I didn’t get fries because they had too much fat. I was convinced that it was the fat making me sick and tired, so I opted for lower fat sandwiches instead of deep fried french fries. It was always my plan to bring them home, pop open a diet wild cherry pepsi and enjoy my bounty of lunch while watching “The Young and the Restless”. The funny thing was that I would inhale them while driving back up the interstate and my bag would be empty upon arriving at home.
I must tell you that McDonalds did not make me fat and sick. I made me fat and sick. McDonalds did not make me hit up their drive-thru each Monday, I did it myself. Instead of looking for information on how to become better, I simply believed every flier and pamphlet provided to me. I never thought to read the little words at the bottom of the back, telling that the flier or pamphlet was provided by “insert any diabetes medication here”.
The funny thing, ok, it’s not funny, it’s horrific really, that pharmaceutical companies are dishing out nutritional advice. Knowing what I know now, I can’t believe I fell for it. Why would a pharmaceutical company want me the consumer to get better, when consuming 60g of carbohydrates on a low fat diet would keep me upping my dosage of Metformin, Glipizide, and Starlix?
No matter how many heart healthy whole grains and boneless skinless chicken breast I ate, I got worse. I’m still ashamed it took a wake up call from the NP at my Dr.’s office to make me want to know the truth. I have pretty much forgiven myself for believing in conventional wisdom and the standard American diet. Here in the present, anytime I see or hear “It is common knowlege”, or “for better glucose control”, or “slow acting carbs”, I just shake my head.
Something I’ve learned since I’ve opted to read more and believe less is that as long as I keep doing what isn’t working, there will be no change. It doesn’t matter how many bowls of oatmeal with skim milk and bananas I eat for breakfast, it’s not going to fix me. Oddly enough, giving up the oatmeal, skim milk, and bananas, opting for bacon and eggs, did.
Ok, I’m not fixed. I’m much better. It’s been a year since I’ve had a fasting blood glucose reading above 100 or a postprandial reading over 120. Some say “you’re cured, you can eat what you want now”, but that isn’t true. I still believe that I am not cured, I am in remission. A cure would mean that I could go hog wild and eat spaghetti every night with no ill effects.
Sometimes I really hate thinking about the past and how I blindly followed the recommendations given to me when diabetes was in the driver’s seat. It makes me angry, not only at myself for being a sheep, but also angry that this kind of advice is still given to those newly diagnosed with T2 and pre-diabetes. It angers me even more when we are looked at as fat, lazy, and non-compliant when their advice does not work for us.
Diabetes no longer controls me. I am the ruler of my life, I am in control. I’ve learned by being in control, I often do some silly silly things. For example, just the other day while avoiding the computer, I went to Walmart and bought a pull up bar! Yes, me… Anyone who has known me for any length of time knows that I would never buy a pull up bar on my own, I musta been car-jacked and forced to purchase it, right? Nope, I just wanted one.
When I got it home, I put it together, tried it out, and found that I can not do a pull up. Just hanging from the thing was a pain. When my husband got home, I told him about it. He looked at me like he didn’t know who this person was in his wife’s body.
One of the guys that works for him was there and he told me that girls can’t do pull ups. See, he is a former Marine and he went on to say that even in the Corp, the girls didn’t have to do them like guys did. I admire this guy because he fought for our country, protecting our freedom, risking his life and limb to protect us, but “them’s fighting words”.
While he is correct at the moment, I can’t do a pull up today. I can do a jumping pull up thanks to a friend in a facebook group telling me to start that way. Sometime in the future though, I will do a real pull up too. The thing is that even if we can’t do something today, there is always the possibility of us doing it at a later date.
I used to tell myself I was destined to be fat and sick and tired, but that was a lie. I was actually destined to be anything I put my mind to. I used to tell myself I couldn’t live without pasta, bread, and hazelnut non dairy coffee creamer, but that was a lie. I can reach for the skies, I can live better without crap processed foods, and when I take the grandkids to McDonalds I can order a sandwich without the bun and a side salad.